Yes! I quoted Justin Bieber! Now that it’s out of the way… accurate to the title, I am indecisive.
I keep thinking of my future, I wondered where I’d be at 20, where I’d be at 25, at 30, at 40! Even 50! What will I make of my life? The grandest piece of art you can shape and form is definitely the image of your entire life. I’ve gone over it again and again. I’ve made lists, typed up journals, wrote loooooong thought-pieces. Where am I going to be? I’ve cried about it when I heard a song that resonated… hell I’ve cried in complete silence about it.
I just turned 20, and my friend Nadia (who turned 20 about a month ago) said it would HIT ME. Well… it didn’t hit me, per se. It gradually crept up. See, I’m graduating university in about 5 months, and knowing that I’ll make that move back home (as well as look for a job!) basically allowed the epiphany moment to hit me a bit beforehand. So I wasn’t exactly hit with a crazy realization about life and time at 20, but it still made me think.
For anyone that knows me personally, or at least has me on Facebook, they’ve seen all of my endeavours. I’ve always prided in being able to open up about any and all of my work online. Those following me have seen my attempts at YouTube song covers (6 years ago!), my attempt to be a vlogger recently (that lasted about a year), and my various ramblings all over social media that basically lock in the fact that I just can’t decide what to do with myself. The most important one: we’ve seen my attempt at “positive change” blogging.
I wanted to write about something that I knew many people could relate to, and something I was passionate about! Positive change is something I wish I could drive home to everyone I know. I want my friends and family to keep blossoming and working on themselves. The problem? I am currently not putting in the time– despite constantly attempting to begin a routine: to meditate; to actually wake up early; to ultimately do anything that a positive change blogger DOES!
I don’t want to be a phony! I can’t run a blog propagating a lie! If I want YOU to try to improve, I should be trying too. So instead of focusing on the Daily Change Club, where I would promote “daily positive change!” and end up posting once a month… I will post under a different genre and niche. And that genre and niche is: me.
“I’m hoping to be more aggressive with my posting… you know, smaller gaps than posting every 4 months […] ‘productive’ is one of the traits that you could realistically pin as far away from me as possible, but I’m motivated to work toward it” – me one month ago
I made this a habit with every single new project I worked on [that was outside of school… well, actually… 😉 ]. I would hype it up, post or work on it for a bit… and then I’d drift from it. Disassociate from it. None of the work drove me crazy. None of it would make me happy in the end. I was living in hopes that I would someday enjoy it from the *potential* success of it all. What can I say? I’m a dreamer. I want to be successful… but I want to be passionate too. And if that means blogging about my life, as long as I stick to it, so be it.
I think it’s normal to be constantly changing and growing as a human. Especially as I’m still so young, I think it’s a little more excusable that I’ve jumped around so much from project to project. It is embarrassing that I do it so much. But that’s life. One thing I will change moving forward is I won’t make light of this project until I know it’s something I’m committed to! So let’s begin a journey together. I make no promises on whether I’ll abandon ship, and if it does happen, you won’t get a warning on when it’ll happen.. but, hey! Mystery is intriguing 😉
Until next time!